You just got invited to a housewarming! Depending on how many housewarmings you’ve been to in your life, which frankly may not be many (buying a house? in this economy?), you might be feeling unsure what to wear or bring, how long to stay, or what questions you very much should not be asking. Don’t worry–I answer all these questions and more. Read on to learn housewarming etiquette you should know.

What to wear to a housewarming

Unless the housewarming is a formal affair, which your host would make very clear, you should wear what you would normally wear outside your house to meet friends. It needs to be nicer than pajamas, but not as nice as cocktail attire. Think of what you’d wear on a casual first date–it should be similar. This could mean sundress or jeans to you–whatever you would be comfortable wearing to meet a stranger you’d like to make a good impression on. Your friend’s housewarming could have family members, significant others, and friends of friends you may haven’t met yet, so you’ll want to look good and feel good.

What to bring to a housewarming

Traditionally in America, you are not expected to bring an actual gift to a housewarming, but you are expected to bring something. What you bring to a housewarming does not need to be wrapped or extravagant, but don’t show up empty handed. It is considered uncouth to show up empty-handed to parties like housewarmings.

What to bring is a tricky question that depends on how well you know your host. If you ask around what to bring, some folks will suggest wine, flowers, or baked goods. While those can be great, it really depends on your host. Your host could be sober or have a naughty cat like mine, who loves knocking vases over and eating their contents. Maybe they’re freshly gluten-free or their partner has a severe peanut allergy!

If you know they drink… bring a bottle of wine around $25. Go for something with a cool label that could look nice on their bar cart or at the table during a meal.

If they don’t have a cat… bring a bouquet of flowers in a vase. Many popular plants are toxic to cats (ask me about my cat’s $1,500 emergency vet bill of December 2024), so either do your research of cat-safe plants prior, or move on to another gift idea. You should budget around $15 on different arrangements at Trader Joe’s and $5-$10 on a vase, making the total around $25. My local thrift store sells vases for $3, and Ikea has a $1.99 option. Do not give them a bouquet without a vase–you would be gifting them a chore–thus, uncouth.

If you want to bring food… bring something inoffensive such as a fruit or veggie tray, chips and dip, or a light sweet treat like macarons, madeleines, or donut holes. Your best option is to simply ask the host prior (not 10 minutes before the party begins), “Is there anything I can pick up for the housewarming, like tortilla chips or ice?” I wouldn’t expect to spend over $15.

If they’re a Plant Person… bring a shade-friendly (and pet-friendly, if they have furry friends) potted plant. Make sure your pot has a drainage hole underneath it so their plant doesn’t get root rot. That would be a terrible thing to associate you with. Also, gifting a plant without a pot is a chore–uncouth. Play it safe with a low-light friendly plant like snake plants, pothos, or a succulent because your friend may not have a good sunny spot at this new place. You can get a plant and pot for under $20.

If you’re light on funds but still don’t want to show up empty handed... bring them a card congratulating them on their move. Wish them luck in this new chapter of their lives and thank them for inviting you. This will cost you less than $5.

What to not to do at a housewarming

Do not give your host a chore. This includes hand-wash only items, a vase-less bouquet, and items that need to be assembled.

Do not ask how much their rent or mortgage is, and for the love of God do not ask about the down payment. If you have a very close friendship with this person and you are curious, perhaps wait for another moment outside of the housewarming where you can chat privately. Do not ask at the housewarming. Uncouth.

Do not point out things they need to fix. Unless they have specifically asked for your input, do not give them a to-do list at their housewarming. It takes a long time to get settled into a new space, and a housewarming is not the place to add even more to their plate. Do not bring up chipped paint, creaky floors, weird lighting, etc. Be nice.

Do not point out things missing. Does the fridge not make ice? That’s fine. Missing a dishwasher or in-unit laundry? Bummer–but not really your business. Let them bring it up first. If they do, you can share potential solutions for these missing little luxuries, such as buying a bag of ice weekly or offer to help them look online for used appliances. Do not say things like “I could never live without an ice maker,”–have some couth.

Other etiquette you should know

• You should stay at least an 45 minutes to an hour.
• You are not expected to give a gift at housewarmings, but you shouldn’t show up empty handed. See the “What to bring” section above.
• If you cannot go, mail them a card within two weeks of the housewarming. This could be a “Congratulations” or “Just Because” card.
• Don’t show up hungry; there may be only small bites available.
• Take it easy on the booze and food. It’s not your house. Make sure to toss any paper plates or cups you use, or put dishes away in the sink.
• Don’t be the last to leave. It’s awkward to be asked to go home. When the party dwindles to about 4-5 people, you should be making exit plans.
• Do not explore and snoop on your own. Ask your host for a tour; don’t be creepy.