It makes sense why we’ve lost the tradition of thank you cards. With the rise of everyone you’ve ever known being available within seconds through a rectangle you keep in your pocket, communication has become casual. While there are technological replacements I can accept without looking back–for example, you can pry my robot vacuum, back-up camera, and bidet out of my cold, dead hands–I find it rather uncouth to see the art of thank you notes being replaced with a thumbs up emoji, or even worse, nothing at all.

The fact of the matter is ancient civilizations from China and Egypt have evidence of thank you notes, and they invented printing and pyramids. Since we’re actively becoming stupider due to the rise in AI brain rot, I say let’s bring back something some really old, smart people did.

Why Send a Thank You?

With how fleeting and meaningless modern communication often feels, writing a thank you to someone shows that you think of them as a real person with feelings. It says “I see you, I know you, and I’m thankful for you.” Sure, you can send that person a TikTok or Instagram Reel that potentially portrays the same feeling, but there’s something about an item that someone can hold in their hands, with your handwriting(!), showing your appreciation for their existence. That’s pretty special.

Ranking Thank Yous (1-5)

There are several ways to thank someone, and how you do it depends on the context. Below, I break these down from most uncouth to the most proper.

1. Uncouth: Nothing at all

Obviously, the most uncouth option is no thank you at all.

2. Thank you emails and texts (Extremely convenient)

Send a thank you email in professional settings, such as after an interview, a guest speaking spot, or help reviewing a project.

Thank you so much for your help today.

Thank you for taking time out of your day to meet with me. I look forward to hearing from you.

Your insight improved the project greatly; thank you so much.

Thank you for coming today; it wouldn’t have been the same without your presence, and for that I am so grateful!

You should send a thank you text in more casual settings with friends, such as after attending a party, spending the weekend at their place, or going to a dinner. Feel free to add emojis or more exclamation points to these.

Thank you so much for inviting me to dinner–I had a blast. I hope we can do it again soon!

Thank you for hosting me this weekend! I’ll have to host next time 🙂

You hosted a great party! Thank you for inviting me–I’ll have to plan the next one 🙂

3. Thank you calls (Convenient)

Call to say thanks for more meaningful relationships, such as with your partner or a family member, for a casual act done from afar. “Afar” will make more sense once I explain hand given and mailed thank you notes. Think getting a birthday card from your cousin or your partner surprising you with treat or bouquet delivery. This isn’t quite on thank you card level just yet, but close. If it’s something one can achieve with a few clicks of a button or one stamp, call is the way to go.

If you have trouble reaching this person, perhaps due to time zones or conflicting job schedules, a voice note will do in lieu of a call.

Thank you for the birthday card! It brightened my day so much I hung it on my fridge.

Thank so much you for the flowers; you are so thoughtful and it made my day!

4. Thank you cards — hand given (Special and convenient)

Give someone a thank you note in-person if you see them often–at least once a month. This could be a coworker, neighbor, or friend who lives close. Giving a handwritten thank you card in person is so kind and personal; it makes the person feel special knowing you went out of your way to pick out a card and give it to them.

You should give thank you notes in-person for really meaningful gifts or acts of service. For example, a friend giving you a gift for your wedding or baby shower, a neighbor helping you hang up Christmas decorations, or a coworker going above and beyond to help you with a big project. If their act went above a few clicks, you should thank them with a card.

Thank you so much for helping me last weekend! I don’t know what I would have done without you.

Thank you for your really thoughtful gift! I’m so excited to use it.

Thank you for your help last week–you were a lifesaver.

5. Thank you cards — mailed (Most proper but little inconvenient)

While mailed thank you cards are the most proper, the most couth, I acknowledge that they are not the most feasible. If you are able to see this person often, then obviously you should give it to them in-person. If you see this person less than once a month, however, then you should mail them a thank you for really meaningful gifts or acts of service. For example, a family member in another state getting you something from your registry, a a friend sending you a thoughtful gift, or a long-distance bestie helping you through a tough time.

Plus, what’s more fun than getting a card in the mail? Taking the time to not only hand write a note in a cute card, but also to stamp, address, and mail it, shows how much you are grateful for this person in a unique and charming way–and they won’t forget that feeling.

Thank you for the coffee maker! You know me too well and I’ll think of you every morning at 6 a.m. ❤️

Your gift was so thoughtful! I’m excited to use it–thank you!

Thank you for always being there for me in times of need. I’m so thankful for our friendship, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.